Advice For The Ladies

Advice for the ladies.........decades too late!! If you want someone who will bring you the paper without first tearing it apart to remove the sports section...
Buy a dog.
If you want someone willing to make a fool of himself simply over the joy of seeing you...
Buy a dog.

If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never says its not quite as good as his mother made it...
Buy a dog

If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want...
Buy a dog.

If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies...
Buy a dog.

If you want someone who is content to get up on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores...
Buy a dog.

If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves you unconditionally, perpetually...
Buy a dog.

But, on the other hand, If you want someone who will never come when you call, ignores you totally when you come home, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night and only comes home to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness...
Then................. Buy a cat !!!
(You thought I was talking about a man didn't you?)

Joke of the Day

Doing It

Help desk people tell you how to do it, hang up the phone, and laugh at you with their co-workers.

Firemen do it with a big hose.

Crooks do it with a gun in their pocket.

Telemarketers do it with their mouths.

Physicists do it with a big bang.

Pet shop owners do it with hamsters.

Consultants tell you how to do it, charge you a fortune, but never actually do it themselves.

Spies do it under cover.

Statisticians are 95% confident that they do it.

Hackers do it with bugs.

Mortgage bankers do it with interest.

Radio operators do it with frequency.

Blondes do it with anyone.

Golfers do it in 18 holes.

Deep-sea divers do it under extreme pressure.

Radio DJs do it on request.

How PC Changed His Life

Accountants

Three accountants were standing at the urinals.

The first accountant finished and walked over to the sink to wash his hands. He then proceeded to dry his hands very carefully. He used paper towel and ensured that every single spot of water on his hands was dried. Turning to the other two bankers, he said, "At Price Waterhouse Coopers", we are trained to be extremely thorough."

The second accountant finished his task at the urinal and he proceeded to wash his hands. He used a single paper towel and made sure that he dried his hands using every available portion of the paper towel. He turned and said, at "E&Y", not only are we trained to be extremely thorough, but we are also trained to be extremely efficient."

The third accountant finished and walked straight for the door, shouting over his shoulder, "At Shah & Patel, we don't pee on our hands."

Fashion Victim Balloons

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Joke

Awesome Class….Nice Bubble…

A new lady teacher came to teach 8th standard students. As it was the first day,

She gave her intro, and asked all the students to introduce themselves with name and hobby.

She said, “Let’s start with the boys first .” Boys start giving their intro…

First boy: “My name is John, and my hobby is to see bubble in the
bathtub.”

Teacher was confused to listen but said, “Interesting. Well, Ok. In fact we must be honest in telling the hobby. And after all there is Essentially a child in each of us. So it’s ok John. Yes
next.”

Second boy: “Myself Peter and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub .”

Teacher now got surprised and said, “Good. I like the spirit of supporting a friend. Ok next.”

Third boy: “I’m Smith and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub .”

Teacher: “Guys are you joking or what? Please be sincere. Ok next .”

This continues, and the last boy stands up “I’m Harry and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub.”

Exhausted, the teacher said, “I don’t think I will be able to teach un-grown boys for long. Anyway, now the girls please.”

First girl: “I’m Julie and my hobby is to see birds.”

Teacher: “Good. At last I got something different. Ok next.”

Second girl: “I’m Ruby and I like to collect perfumes.”

Teacher “Now it’s like educated grown up girls. Ok next. You sweet girl ,Yes yo u…” the Most beautiful girl of the class :”Mam, my name is Bubble, and my hobby is to take a looooong bath in the bathtub .”

Pics of the Day

How Guys Turn Down Girls

SHE : I'm a photographer I've been looking for a face like yours!
HE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours!!

SHE : May I have the pleasure of this dance?
HE: No, I'd like to have some pleasure too!!!

SHE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
HE: I must have been given your share!!!

SHE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
HE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend!!!

SHE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out!
HE: Okay, get out!!!

SHE: I think I could make you very happy
HE: Why? Are you leaving?

SHE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
HE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!!!

SHE: Can I have your name?
HE: Why, don't you already have one?

SHE: Shall we go and see a film?
HE: I've already seen it!!!

SHE: Do you think it was fate that brought us together?
HE: Nah, it was plain bad luck!!!

SHE: Where have you been all my life?
HE: Hiding from you.

SHE: Haven't I seen you some place before?
HE: Yes, thats why I don't go there anymore.

SHE: Is this seat empty?
HE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down .

SHE: So, what do you do for a living?
HE: I'm a female impersonator.

SHE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
HE: Do not enter.

The Joy of Cooking

Wow!!!!

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